Short & Stumpy

Went shopping with a dear friend last Friday night and had a ball.  We went to the mall to make a pit stop at Bath & Body works (hellar! 20% email coupon, that could be used on items already on sale! I have enough body wash to last me until I am 30) and to buy him some gloves at Dillard's. Um....it was a Three Hour Tour for sure.

Bath & Body went off without a hitch, then we stopped in at Dillard's, only to discover that they are having the BEST SALE EVER! My friend ended up with a stunning suit, two pairs of fantastic shoes, and two very nice sweaters.....and he only spent $200!! Um...and he didn't get the gloves :) I ended up with a new Fiestaware place setting in "Lemongrass" at half price. We shopped victoriously, fo' sho'!

Things were going well until I started browsing the "Big and Tall" section while my shopping companion was in the dressing room. My husband is built like a NFL offensive lineman.....huge shoulders, 54" chest, 20" neck, 42X30 pants.....so he is a shortish NFL offensive lineman only coming in at 5'10".  The mega sale had some mega brand names marked down like  80%, dress shirts, pants, sweaters- you name it, it was on sale.....here is my problem:

Patrick does not fall into "BIG & TALL" or "REGULAR" men's clothing catagories. The biggest waist size I could find in the "regular" area was 40", granted they did have 2X shirts, but they had about three in the entire store that were circa 1992.  So when I moved on to the big and tall section I discovered plenty of 42" and 44" pants......with inseams only as short as 34".  Then I check out the shirts, dress shirts, fabulous dress shirts in a 2X......but they would have come down to his knees!!!! I wanted to curl into the fetal position and cry between the clothing racks.

Here is my solution:

Like the women's department, why is there not a Petite section for men?? Even in the women's plus size sections you can find Plus/Petite for us short, chubby girls. I mean, really, it is an oxymoron for sure; the whole plus sized but petite at the same time, but apparently if you have the waist size that I do,  you are expected to be 6'2",  which I am FAR from. Now, you also can not call a men's department Big & Petite, you wouldn't catch any men there.....EVER. So what are we left with?? Short & Stumpy?? Vertically Challenged & Stocky?? Husky & Close to the Ground?? My vote is for Short & Stumpy.